betweenthewaves: (jacob/bella)
[personal profile] betweenthewaves
right then, fic.
written in the span of about two hours of free-writing, so don't expect anything special.
unbeta-read. *hides*

the wolf that follows the ousted [wo]man
jacob/bella. au new moon-ish. rated 'teen'. 1208 words.
title taken from the song, 'fallen from the sky' by glen hansard.


she presses two pale, shaking fingers together and sets them against her neck, feeling what she was willing to give up pumping there, steadily. she'd been so ready to just let it stop, forever. suspended between heartbeats that would never echo through her veins again. he'd called it eternal damnation, she had called it love and so did he sometimes. (and when he tried to tell her all the reasons why not, she said she didn't care, it didn't matter.)

it did matter though, it always matters. as quickly as he'd passed into her life, he was gone. she'd orbited around him, he'd been the world- no, the universe. and it had burned, in the end. just for a split second as he left, it had burned.

and then nothing, because even supernovas have to burn out sometime.

(she hadn't felt warm for months.)

it's always darkest before the sun comes.

the sun did come eventually, and gradually a new day with him.
healing takes time though, even for the healthiest of people.

***

i lost track of how long jacob and i sat in the forest, him sitting on a fallen tree as i leaned against his leg. sometimes we spent hours talking and other times we could sit in silence. i was grateful for that- sometimes i had nothing to say and conversation would've been pointless anyway. jacob didn't make me talk, except for the times when i needed to.

suddenly he broke the silence, pushing something in front of my face. i'd wondered what his never idle hands had been working at for so long, and then it was right there, a piece of wood that had been turned into a perfectly carved eagle. i lifted my hand until it rested in my palm as he held it from above and we turned it together, looking at it from all angles.

"so what'cha think, bells?"

i smiled up at him, and it didn't feel wooden, it felt like my own again. "it's beautiful."

he chuckled softly and pressed it into my hand. "it's yours."

i leaned back against his leg smiling as i looked more closely at the gift. at that moment i felt lighter than i had in a long time, almost like flying. it was tempting. it would be so easy to embrace that feeling and just stay this way. i could keep being happy and--

i ran.

i wasn't supposed to feel that kind of happiness. not after... and besides that, i didn't deserve jake, he was far too good, too light for me.

i kept running, the eagle clutched desperately in one hand, the other helping me keep somewhat balanced. he was calling my name in the distance, getting closer.
nothing was right anymore and my eyes blurred, abruptly ending my flight as i tripped over a tree root and crumpled to the ground sobbing. a few moments later i heard him approach , which only made me cry harder. when was he going to realize i wasn't worth this?

"oh bella." he sighed and lowered himself to the ground, then pulled me into his arms and held on tight. i hadn't realized how cold i was until i realized, not for the first time, how unnaturally warm he was. several minutes passed and he never once let go, even when i struggled against him.

when i'd cried myself out, i looked up at him. "jake, let go. i'm not good for you." or anyone else, i added mentally.

he stopped the gentle rocking motion he'd soothed me with abruptly and looked me right in the eye, trying to show me everything he wasn't saying. "of course you are, bella. i don't care what he said to make you think that- it's not true."

as usual he understood me almost before i did. the thought had only been a vague notion in my mind until he said the words, and i looked away, focusing on some distant point in the forest.

jacob cupped my chin, returning my gaze to his.
"bella- i'm serious. you're my best friend, you're what's made this whole thing," he made a vague gesture that i assumed meant becoming a werewolf, "not so crazy- you were my best friend before it and you still are."

i didn't say anything, just remembered. a little while ago, i was happier, more at peace than i thought would ever be possible. maybe it was possible...

he stood and pulled me to my feet in one graceful movement, then handed me the carved eagle i hadn't realized i'd dropped.
"thanks," i whispered, for more than the eagle- even if i wasn't sure i believed it yet.

"don't mention it, that's what i'm here for." he grinned and i thought again about just how much i'd come to depend on him to be the sunlight. "c'mon, i gotta show you something."

***

sun┬Ěrise
-noun
1. the rise or ascent of the sun above the horizon in the morning.
2. the atmospheric and scenic phenomena accompanying this.
3. the opening or beginning stage of any period.
4. an outset or emergence.

having defined something nearly magical in everyday terms does not take away its wonder.
the truth is that all wounds must heal with time, and when they do- things begin anew.

***

i wasn't sure how long we walked, but we came to a place by a river deep in the forest that i'd never seen before. jacob tugged me along to two boulders that sat side by side and sat down. i copied him, wondering why he had taken us to that particular spot, though i had to admit it was beautiful.
"what are we-" i started, and he put a finger to his lips, "shh. just wait a second."

as if on command, a doe walked into the clearing around the river cautiously. she paused, staring at us for a moment and seeming to decide we meant no harm. she looked behind her, and two spindly-looking fawns followed her right up to the river. unafraid of us, she lowered her head to drink, pausing now and then to look up at jacob and i. her twin fawns looked curious but didn't come near us, and that was alright with me- i'd probably do something clumsy and frighten them away- and i wasn't ready for this moment to end just yet. we stayed there for a long time, until i felt the sounds around us seeping in and calming me again (finally). wind tussled in the trees now and then and birds twittered overhead, and water as it passed over rocks on its way to the ocean.

i let out a deep breath and smiled as the doe led her twins away from the clearing. jacob was watching me, a happy look on his face that i hadn't seen for a while.
"what?"

"you see bells? you're good enough for life."

oh. oh.
i scrambled off my rock and into one of his gigantic bear hugs, shaking from head to toe. something finally clicked inside of me, and when it did it seemed almost ridiculously simple. i laughed and hugged him tighter, letting the feeling wash over me.
i was alive.

finis.



***
***



the song that prompted this:

"Fallen From The Sky" - Glen Hansard

You must have fallen from the sky,
You must have shattered on the wrong way.
You brought so many to the light,
And now you're by yourself.
There comes a point in every fight,
Where giving up seems the only way.
When everyone has said goodbye,
And now you're on your own.

And if you need somewhere to fall apart,
Somewhere to fall apart.

When the rules of Cain,
The rights you made.
The hours did crawl,
For those to blame.
The broken glass,
The fool that asked,
The moving arrow to stop.

You must have fallen from the sky,
You must have come here in the pouring rain.
You took so many through the light
And now you're on your own

And if you need somewhere to fall apart,
Somewhere to fall apart.

Well the ruins of man
The bloody rag
Be the fool the bull
The powdered hag
The nights that make
The rattle rag
The wolves that follow the ousted man
The falling star
The way we are
Divine
The rules that never ever multiply

You must have fallen from the sky
You must have come here on the wrong way
You came among us every time
But now you're on your own

And if you need somewhere to fall apart,
Somewhere to fall apart.

Well they call you saint,
The basket case.
The rules of thumb,
You have to break.
The raging skull,
The rag to the bull.
The nails that drag,
In either hand.
Well I will make,
My work of that.
I know this place,
I know this task.

You must have fallen from the sky
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