betweenthewaves: (one little princess sitting all alone)
[personal profile] betweenthewaves
put your hands up, until you feel that feeling
svu, elliot/olivia. angst.
time passes and they grow.


They are just too old for this kind of thing, she decides, early one winter morning in an empty squad room. She's not impatient anymore, the years have mostly taken that particular trait from her, but she's always known something would have happened by now.

But it hasn't.

Locked in place at an impasse, they don't move forward and they don't move back, but time passes and they grow: older, apart, away.

They never get too far away, and what might've happened once upon a time doesn't matter so much anymore, because she has made her peace with what is. They are together but not, and will likely always be that way.

Sometimes she feels the weight of things she used to imagine as a phantom limb. It shows up as a brief, if painful twinge for something that was never more than a suggestion left unspoken. The feeling always passes a few seconds later, leaving her to wonder if it was ever there in the first place.

In a way, nothing happens because nothing ever has, and that can't be helped by laying blame so she lets it go. If she's learned one thing, it's to try and let go of as much as possible. Baggage is heavy and exhausting- [she's already tired.]

So really when all is said and done, they're good. He's still the best friend she's going to have and they're finally somewhere close to happiness, or at least contentment in absentia. They still flirt, because they always have, but that's because they couldn't do anything else if they tried. They bicker, because they always have bickered and it makes the job easier. There's just nothing much to it now. Maybe once upon a time in another life they got it right.

She's alright with it now, wistful occasionally, but alright. For the first time everything makes sense; it's okay to let go.

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