betweenthewaves: (bella)
[personal profile] betweenthewaves
some say the world will end in fire
some say in ice.
- robert frost


watching it burn.
drabble-ish. bella, angsty e/b.
somewhere, there is a line between love and obsession that was maybe never meant to be crossed.


[she dreams of burning bridges, falling stars, and the ocean] and wakes up with an epiphany on her lips. she tastes it but gulps the thought down whole and tries to ignore the initial burn. it's just like the high-school parties she never went to with the vodka martinis she never drank.

somewhere, there is a line between love and obsession that was maybe never meant to be crossed. that's the problem then, because it was blurred, crossed, burned, and further rendered incomprehensible a long time ago. it's not that he's her first and last thought of the day- that wouldn't be quite as much of a problem, it would be kind of sweet; it's just that sometimes he's her only thought period and in the moments when she surfaces, she finds herself gasping for air.

she knows all about intoxication then, and also about addiction and possession and spiraling.
her father loves johnny cash songs, and she remembers only the one verse from this one: down, down, down. and the flames went higher.

she dreams her memories and tries to believe, through promises and italian towns and standing alone in the forest.

here he's been worrying about her soul when she thinks she might've drowned a long time ago.
there's love there, sure; this is still nothing but a modern-day greek tragedy.



* references:
"fire and ice", by robert frost
"watching it burn" -> 'sometimes I think I'd like to watch it burn', the wallflowers, "one headlight"
"down, down, down, and the flames went higher" - > johnny cash, "ring of fire"

Date: 2008-12-20 11:35 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] borg-princess.livejournal.com
I'll be honest, I kind of...don't like Bella, but I do like your drabble. Because it strikes a chord with me. I may not be into the fandom but in your musings about the character, I've found something I can relate to, and empathize with.

somewhere, there is a line between love and obsession that was maybe never meant to be crossed. that's the problem then, because it was blurred, crossed, burned, and further rendered incomprehensible a long time ago. it's not that he's her first and last thought of the day- that wouldn't be quite as much of a problem, it would be kind of sweet; it's just that sometimes he's her only thought period and in the moments when she surfaces, she finds herself gasping for air.

This entire thing hurts me because it's so real and honest and I've been there, I've crossed that line and it felt exactly like that. You've articulated that situation so well, the problem is being unable to think of anyone but that person, and then in those brief moments of clarity and self-awareness, coming up for air and realizing that there is something terribly wrong and that you should admit there is a problem and try to conquer your addiction but not having the strength to do so.

Your writing style is so poetic and beautiful. It's odd to come from the Ten/Rose fic that had me laughing to this one, which makes me hurt.

Date: 2008-12-20 11:55 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] betweenthewaves.livejournal.com
Don't worry about it. My problem is that I have this love/hate thing going with Bella. She's a Mary Sue, and a bad one at that, and the problem I have with e/b is that in a lot of ways it seems so much more like obsession than anything has the right to be. It's not very healthy at all. Though I love her with Jacob. She seems to miraculously develop a personality.

*hugs* It's not a very pretty place to be in at all. I'm pretty sure this one got written when I was going through something and needed an outlet, I remember that it hurt to write it and to read it afterwards.

Thank you. Though the hurt part is definitely not good. You need fluff, I think.

Date: 2008-12-21 12:31 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] borg-princess.livejournal.com
My problem is that I have this love/hate thing going with Bella. She's a Mary Sue, and a bad one at that

Oh, good, I didn't want to offend you by saying I full-on hate her, but there you go, you're ambivalent, so that's okay. It frustrates me that some people I know who love this book can't see that she's a Mary Sue.

Fluff is always good, lol. I think I need to go do my happy entry for today to counteract the angst. Btw, has anyone tagged you for that 'post what makes you happy/thankful for the next 8 days' meme? 'coz I'd like to tag you if you don't mind. ;P

Date: 2008-12-21 01:15 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] odakota-rose.livejournal.com
Yeah. If there was a reason for reading the series, Bella certainly wasn't it. Actually I'm still kind of unsure why I did. I'm thinking peer pressure, because it's definitely not sparkling literary genius.

I haven't been tagged for that yet, no. I'd love to :D

ps. brb. watching Criminal Minds online right now. guuuh. *instantly loves*

Date: 2008-12-21 01:27 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] borg-princess.livejournal.com
Yeah. If there was a reason for reading the series, Bella certainly wasn't it.

LOL, Bella is the worst thing about the book, and considering it's about her...*thumps head repeatedly against wall* It's written in the same genre and in a similar style to Harry Potter, which I think is overrated, but at least those characters have personalities and are somewhat sympathetic.

One thing I never figured out- Bella was forever being awkward and clumsy and bashing into things or falling down. Did the author ever explain that? I thought she might have a brain tumor or something and Edward would have to cure her through conversion. I don't know WHY I care enough to ponder this, but it's bugging me.

Heh, I only read Twilight because Jacob bought it, loathed it and decided to 'gift' me with it so he didn't feel bad about wasting his money. And now my mother wants to read it because I've ranted to her so often about how pathetic and puerile it is. :P

ps. brb. watching Criminal Minds online right now. guuuh. *instantly loves*

YES YES YES! *happydances* Ahh, the satisfaction of a job well done...yay me...

Date: 2008-12-21 01:41 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] odakota-rose.livejournal.com
LOL, Bella is the worst thing about the book, and considering it's about her...*thumps head repeatedly against wall*

LMAO. So true. *thumps head also*
Yeah, Harry Potter's also overrated, but then, I only ever read the first book a few months ago *shrug*

*gigglefit* Nope. They never realy said what Bella's problem was, or even if there was one. [but seriously, a person who could manage that much injury to themselves must have something wrong. compared to Bella, I'm a regular ballerina.]
A tumor also might've explaned her continued lack of personality/obsessive qualities?

Ahh, I hate getting regifted because people didn't like stuff. If they don't like it, who's to say I will? Honestly though? I've only ever read them once, and the very idea of doing it again kind of makes my brain hurt. I hear about these people who've read them all dozens of times and quote entire chapters by heart and other such frankly creepy things and just ask "whyyyy?"

YES YES YES! *happydances* Ahh, the satisfaction of a job well done...yay me...

Fine, I can admit it. When you're right, you're totally right.
Also, dude, is it always that intense? Because I swear I just about had a heart attack watching 4x01. If so, ♥

Date: 2009-01-05 02:24 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] borg-princess.livejournal.com
There's no good reason it's taken me this long to get back to you and you've probably lost the plot of this conversation by now, but uh, here's my response anyway. :P

I find it really weird unexpected that you only just read the first Harry Potter! There was so much peer pressure here, you HAD to read them as soon as they came out and be able to carry on an intelligent in-depth conversation with everyone in class, in the library, in the supermarket, EVERYWHERE, lol.

I have a tendency to hold grudges and never really get over them. One I've held since Year 8 [about seven years ago] and one from two years ago when this wretch of a girl borrowed my Harry Potter, kept it for months and then moved and never returned it to me. I ran into her in town and she was all, 'Yeah, yeah, I'll send it to you' but NOPE. Grr. I don't even like the series that much but it was a frelling hardcover and so goddamn expensive. Bloody tralk. *shivers with hate*

Um, my anger issues aside, you make an excellent point there about the tumor affecting her personality. I'm ashamed I didn't think of that aspect sooner- I'm a House fan, I should KNOW this stuff, damn it!Yep, a brain tumor could theoretically be affecting the portions of her brain relating to personality and emotions and all that. Huh. WE SOLVED THE MYSTERY OF WHY SHE SUCKS!

Oh, I didn't mind getting regifted- he's always been a cheapo, lol. His sister spends extravagantly on gifts and just normal everyday things, so it balances out between the two of them. Also, I was interested in Twilight because of all the hype and there's a waiting list of ONE HUNDRED people at the library- though it's been out for a few years- so in a way, I'm glad because it would've been awful to wait for months and months til I get the book, eagerly anticipating it the whole time and then find out how much I dislike it. THAT would've stung.

Also, dude, is it always that intense? Because I swear I just about had a heart attack watching 4x01

Hmm, while I want to build it up as something wondrous and magnificent, I don't want to overstate it...I think that ep was maybe more intense than usual as it was the first ep and the resolution of the cliffhanger and everyone's lives were in jeopardy at various points. Usually the profilers aren't in THAT much danger. But it is intense. :D

Date: 2009-01-07 04:59 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] betweenthewaves.livejournal.com
lol, this is like an epic reply, but then again the comment was epic so...

I know there's always been this huge amount of peer pressure to get into Harry Potter and all that, and I pretty much just ignored it. For the most part, unless it's something that I'm curious about and want, I just ignore stuff like that. Which, come to think of it is what I should've done with Twilight.

Okay, now see this is where I gotta say: lending someone a book? HECK NO. Because I don't have anyone like Bill or Laura in my life that lending a book to would be some kind of significant thing, and I love my books too much to ever let them out of my possession. I has problems, I know xD

I like it. This should be written. It can be a crackish, tongue in cheek look at the Mary Sue we love to hate. I think I read a fic once where Bella had leukemia, but it didn't explain her lameness, it was just to let people have a semi-viable way of showing why we should all love poor Bella Sue. Or something like that.

I just downloaded them from a booksharing comm, couldn't bother with the rest. I like my money and I like spending it on legitimate literary works. *snort*

Umm, except that it's always kind of intense and suspenseful, and I'm more actively involved in trying to figure out the cases. The problem with most shows is that I have the who, why, and how figured out within the first five or ten minutes, and that gets... really boring, actually. *headdesk*

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